i'm the kind of person who doesn't readily seek friction in my life, unless i am really ready to go toe to toe in debate. so i'm tired of turning to the people that i've considered my friends and getting headache's arguing superfluous "i'm more punk/socailly conscious than you are" bullshit.

another dilemna that i have is that everyone i interact with seems to just use me to provoke a particular emotion. aside from my friend who abandons me mid-speech when the guy she has a crush on comes along, one of the most annoying instances of this lies in this boy who has taken to following me around and waiting for me after class everyday. he's a 14 year old guy who is gay and upwards of 6 feet tall, and we met through gsa but now he waits outside of my all classes and makes an elaborate display of hugging me and the like. yet he does most of it as a facade to try and scope out another homosexual boy in my class. essentially i am relegated to his prop, dragged and fondled, grinded against and subjected to the claws and throes of the senior rumormill (she's dating a freshman? ewww!), while he looks over my shoulder to check on the boy for whom he harbors affections. i'm a fucking tool to him..he won't even share with me essential aspects of his life. instead he follows me around, talks about his boyfriends, and looks over his shoulder while crushing me in his arms..

i really don't think i like people.

conform consume obey