online id photos are a fucking evil thing. grrr

i feel like i've done a few things right this week. blogging is not one of them, god, the pretension of it all. but when i thought i was giong to go bed two hours ago i went down and did the dishes instead. and then i drank rasberry tea and listened to the chili peppers again and wrote thank you notes to everyone i was supposed to a month back. and now i''m listening to michelle again and i feel warm and kind of full. its a good thing

i want to tattoo someting on my wrists... and then when i bend them together i can cup my face

today my head felt so heavy i could barely stand up .. i drove to wegmans with my windows rolled down listening to the chili peppers, and then i stood in front of the organic food bin and read all the labels for twenty minutes... i love it when i find a song that doesn't just describe my mood, but makes me feel ...right now i'm listening to the beatles' "michelle my belle" and elliot smith's "needle in the hay." when i heard "michelle" for the first time three months ago, i was in the cemetery trying to locate my grandmother's grave. i hate big sprawling graveyards, where you have to reserve your plot six years before you die .. but the melody, the sentiment of michelle seemed perfect ... even though i had no idea what lennon was saying ... i think it almost made me cry. when i first heard "needle in the hay", i was watching ritchie's suicide attempt in the royal tenebaums. ..him forcing the breath out of his lungs .. there can't be anything more sane than embracing fate .

my tear ducts are stale with disuse.