with every fiber of my body i want to kiss _ _ _ _ _ (hangman style). i have envisioned it so many times over the past few months, its the first image that appears when i close my eyes.. blink, even. i don't know, i imagine it would be sort of awkward.. but we would close our eyes and lean in, and.. and then we would smile. there would be the grins, and the eye contact, and the flushed expressions. i have imagined it all... its very palpable, very real. very much something that i want.

instead, for what feels like the twentieth conseutive friday, i am sitting alone, pressing my palm to my lips to try and imitate the feeling... i've took a leap but i am in the same place, with no answers... i want my pragmatic side to step in, to tell me what i should and shouldn't do... to0 rid me of the extraneous feeling. and it would, except i still have all these movies in my head, and they feel so nice, so comfortable... i don't want to give up on the possibilty yet. i'm still hoping, i guess... i feel throughly ridiculous.

...restless, fidgtedy .

in what i can only identify as some perverse form of self-sabotage, i spent the last hour rereading all of the emails that i sent to people over the past 2 years. i like words. i like the way i use them.

moglidabear: i'm not stressed. i'm as ambivalent and whiny as ever...
RootsRock9: that's good

BAH! screw this weekend!