good to be patient, even better to trust.
je pense que j'avais tombe en amour, malgre tout... malgre le distance. malgre tous les courriers electroniques. malgre le fait que la moite du temps je juste veux pleurer. toutfois, peut etre, ca c'est comment je sais que j'avais tombe...
Sunday, October 03, 2004
better to begin well.
better to end sane.
better to install miles and miles and miles of fence around your heart.
after three months of good lovin, long distance emails, absurdly jive calling cards, i've gotten to the point where i can't listen to kiswahilli anymore.
can't listen to dance hall either, or bob marley. (bob marley is an indirect link tho and i can't really live without him, so i hope to restore reggae to my playlists within a week.)
haven't heard from david in 2 weeks, and in the off time i've developed insane rituals. waking at 10, checking my email, returning at 11, checking my email, rushing from class to check my email. in fact, i haven't turned off my computer in 2 weeks.. every 5 minutes between the hours of 10 and 12, checking my email. thinking that if kenya is 7 hours ahead, maybe he stopped to write.
to no avail, however. my life feels more and more like absurd theatre every day. part of me knows that if i call, he'll say he didn't mean it. however, as much as you didn't mean to make someone crazy, don't bother saying it once they've been committed to the institution.
why am i writing this? because i checked my email 5 mintues ago, and five minutes before that, and five minutes before that but always to no avail. also, because i'm starting to blame myself. got on the blog to see if they're were senstive details i should remove. wanted to make sure that he hadn't wandered this way and decided to hate me forever and ever.
"but rather than speak of inconsistency and insecurity, i am assailed by my inner femminist screaming -- 'no need, no need, no need to be needy.' in the end, there is still only one way to be a woman." - emancipation
better to end sane.
better to install miles and miles and miles of fence around your heart.
after three months of good lovin, long distance emails, absurdly jive calling cards, i've gotten to the point where i can't listen to kiswahilli anymore.
can't listen to dance hall either, or bob marley. (bob marley is an indirect link tho and i can't really live without him, so i hope to restore reggae to my playlists within a week.)
haven't heard from david in 2 weeks, and in the off time i've developed insane rituals. waking at 10, checking my email, returning at 11, checking my email, rushing from class to check my email. in fact, i haven't turned off my computer in 2 weeks.. every 5 minutes between the hours of 10 and 12, checking my email. thinking that if kenya is 7 hours ahead, maybe he stopped to write.
to no avail, however. my life feels more and more like absurd theatre every day. part of me knows that if i call, he'll say he didn't mean it. however, as much as you didn't mean to make someone crazy, don't bother saying it once they've been committed to the institution.
why am i writing this? because i checked my email 5 mintues ago, and five minutes before that, and five minutes before that but always to no avail. also, because i'm starting to blame myself. got on the blog to see if they're were senstive details i should remove. wanted to make sure that he hadn't wandered this way and decided to hate me forever and ever.
"but rather than speak of inconsistency and insecurity, i am assailed by my inner femminist screaming -- 'no need, no need, no need to be needy.' in the end, there is still only one way to be a woman." - emancipation
