today my head felt so heavy i could barely stand up .. i drove to wegmans with my windows rolled down listening to the chili peppers, and then i stood in front of the organic food bin and read all the labels for twenty minutes... i love it when i find a song that doesn't just describe my mood, but makes me feel ...right now i'm listening to the beatles' "michelle my belle" and elliot smith's "needle in the hay." when i heard "michelle" for the first time three months ago, i was in the cemetery trying to locate my grandmother's grave. i hate big sprawling graveyards, where you have to reserve your plot six years before you die .. but the melody, the sentiment of michelle seemed perfect ... even though i had no idea what lennon was saying ... i think it almost made me cry. when i first heard "needle in the hay", i was watching ritchie's suicide attempt in the royal tenebaums. ..him forcing the breath out of his lungs .. there can't be anything more sane than embracing fate .

my tear ducts are stale with disuse.