i evolve on a punctuated equillibrium: every two years i am a completely different person

i was flipping through a scrapbook that i began junior year yesteday, and i fucking hated every page of it. i ripped sections out left and right. half of it was pictures of white women from seventeen and ym ads juxtaopsed next to song lyrics. when i was compiling the book, i remember being amazed by all the great images that i could find in magazines. i thought that i applied them wittily, made statements, was reflected back. now i scoff at the fact that i believed that they could actually describe me

2000: i was in my over ambitious teeny-bopper phase. i dedicated a site to ours. wrote fairly decent poetry (something that i am nostaglic for). was afraid of giong to concerts on the off chance that i might smell weed. still thought about school alot. called my grandmother instead of visiting her. loved the knicks and yankees, and stuff like football. loved the foo fighters and the chili peppers. wrote inspirational journal entries to myself that said things like:

The Traits I Will Possess 15 years From Now:
Best (of the best, creme de la creme)
(much) Success
Prosperity(well deserved, achieved in the highest means)
Fame ( fortune)
Humility(& a normal sized head, too)

1998: i was terrible. my best friend was ebony jones, and we winked at boys and sang songs like "oh what a lovely bunch of coconuts, diddly dee." i was obssesed with the male anatomy although i had no idea what sex was. i was in love with either marcell or brandon or Ginuwine or Allan Houston, really don,t remember, possibly some combination of the three. maintained Chi Chi Salsa's Ginuwine shrine on angelfire.com. (it was a damn well put together site, though...). also may have liked jaja. don't remember. exclusively was into RB. got into three fights with girls over stuff like masturbation and gossip and watches. was a terrible person.

pre 1996: year demarcations don't really factor in at this point. catherine emery was my best friend, and she was very tiny. we dressed up in my rio de janeiro dance costume at a sleepover. jaja would come over to my house alot and eat green apples and play soccer. i was always goalie. i was fairly shy, but i had a boyfriend once. his name was derek, and we sat on the bus together and drew pictures. he was an artiste. i took dance lessons at center stage, and they hated black people. before 5th grade, i was called medusa because i wore small braids. i changed schools because of the bullies, and got a perm. then in 5th grade, i was recrowned with the title "forehead woman. in 6th grade i started beating up the kids that teased me. i went home crying one day because i got a D on a geography test. no one could understand why i was upset

present: i am comfortable with this current version/incarnation, aside from its admitted mediocricy. i like poetry and i am never careless with the written word, but i don't write much. i rationalized marijuana a while back and concurrently decided that i wouldn't run to be the first female president. i sympathize generally with anarchists, and my politic could be described as one of extreme critique. i have a guitar, and most of the music i listen to consists of loud angry women, angry beligerent punks, or tortured guys from seattle. i sport a fro. i abstain from meat consumption

according to my calucations, i have approximately 13 months reamining before this afrocentric-punk-grunge-leftist-vegetarian thing expires.