i elaborate:

1) for the first time ever, i feel as though my feelings of happiness and well being rely partially on another person /events and circumstances outside myself and

2) i want to cry but am refusing to allow it

things are building up, getting dammed up inside of me. my roomate is sleeping with an audio feed from china playing on the computer, trying to capture the spirit of the new year. my heart goes out to her, stuck in a foreign place..

its hard to resist the ties that bind us to things outside of ourselves