good to begin well, better to end well. good to end. tonight's theme is transcendence. i have that ugly ' i didn't get any email' feeling in the pit of my stomach. something about the way my plans for spring break don't exist is also bothering me. so is the eternal frustration of not being able to read people's minds.

when will i actually realize myself in the form that i idealize? its silly and its funny and its silly all at the same time how much i aspire to be. sometimes i can't tell whether this yale shit is positive or negative. admittedly, i'm not impressed by the people that i meet all that often (impressed that they are smart asses, yeeah!), but still. there is all this innate competiveness (subtle, yes). you want to know what makes them so good. and you want to be better. or you want to be good too, in your own right. blah. fight the blah. fight the fight.

i wore my sexy pants today but i still feel icky. maybe its the just the internet that i hate? and mail. mailboxes. i can't remember the last time my computer made me feel good