i am becoming positively addicted to blogging. i am sad, happy, pissy, whiny, sexy.. therefore i blog. anything that comes to mind. whatever is in my head. self expression. hmm. delicious and devestating at the same time.

i have decided to completely reprioritize my life. in the future, upon meeting people, i will hand them a questionaire to fill out, entitled ' what do you really want from me?' i have a decreasing tolerance for feeling insecure within my relationships. i also HATE speculation. but mostly, its the insecurity thing that completely saps me of positivity and self esteem. (why the hell do i feel guilty about calling you on the phone!?! why do i permit myself to feel this way?? ) ziji, ziji. it means 'by or for oneself' in chinese. the past few months have almost been a religious experience, in the sense that i have spent all my time looking for sources of meaning outside of myself ... its absolutely riduclous! no more, no more, no more.

i was the first person in the library today.