its raining out. i walked home at 3:30am from old campus, and when i got to my door, i jumped into the biggest puddle that i could find. converses and all... my feet are wet, but i feel good.

i may be melodramatic, but i have become increasingly in touch with the way i feel, and i have been having mood swings like crazy! ( i apologize to all those who i have im-med while disgruntled...) given a random sample of friday and saturday nights, half of the time my face is plastered with a manic smile, and the other half i am absolutely teeth-gratingly miserable. tonight was cool, yesterday sucked ass ... it took 30 minutes sitting in the rain to recover from the stir-craziness. last weekend was AMAZING, but the weekend before pissed me off. i think the week before that, things were good. for the first time, something/someone has really gotten under my skin... its obnoxious and exciting at the same time. at the very least, it reminds me that i'm not existentially dead.

this 'questioning' has reached the bounds of its own logic -- it makes my head hurt. i half don't care what this is really all about anymore, i just don't want to keep contemplating .