i succeeded in losing my only black pen, and i must say, it makes me rather unhappy. i HATE blue ink. le sigh.

i saw david yesterday. also saw his community and its un - fucking believable. windowless homes made out of tin, rivers of waste, dry garbage, pigs, hens, goats, barefoot children playing in dumpsters.. yet so much laughter. so many smiling faces. an actual community of neighbors.

my friend anne took me to see her old home, some of her friends, and a sewage river that all of the neighborhood kids learned to swim in.

david met up with anne, rose and i after leaving his internship (goal kenya) under false pretenses.. on his first day of work, for that matter. after joining up, the four of us went to a pub and kicked back some beers/cider. conversation was nice, but not necessarily easy.. also, lots of swahili was being spoken. i'm not sure if it'd be polite to insist they speak my tongue instead.

after we finished at the pub, the gang of us took a mat into town. wouldn't ordinarily be anything to report.. however, it was david and my first chance to really talk alone. the interaction was a bit overwhelming for me, i have to say. essentially, he told me that he developed 'strong feelings' for me as soon as we met. i don't know why that weirds me out, considering my experience was identical. however, i guess that some thoughts feel better in my head and worse on my tongue.

when we alighted in town, we kind of began doing and arm in arm thing, and then a hand in hand whatnot. at some point, he also extended his arm around me. (and yes, i know that doesn't qualify as shit/is boring as hell, but we're talking milestones, baby!)

other happenings of the evening are a bit blurry. i did recieve a parting gift, however. a card with a poem inside that made me feel a bit uncomfortable because i'm an asshole like that.

past 24 hours haven't been so smooth, however. mental mutinty might be a way to describe it. when i was on the phone with my mother yesterday she instructed me to enquire about whether david had another girlfriend or kids. suffice it to say, that got my mind whirling in every crazy direction imaginable. shit capped off during afternoon teatime, when i mentioned david to a friend at work also named david. when i commented that he was a sociologist at daystar u, my colleage told me that i had been lied to or else he would know him. (they share the same major, the same name and are studying at the same university ?.?.)

alas, when it comes down to it, i think i'm having so much trouble conceiving that this is real, im looking for reasons to say its farce. it certainly seems so. poetry and greeting cards? significant looks? the best explanation i can find is that david is a primary school dropout with three kids vying for a greencard. second best is that he's on crack for being interested. third is that i'm on drugs. (option three sounds good at this point)

heh. seems like i'm having difficulty with this trust thing.