had to break plans with david tonight (because i'm at a stupid conference) and i have to say that i'm not handling it well at all. i'm feeling terribly grumpy, almost irrationally so. to be frank, something gave way last night. some final, emotional barrier. part of me things its because i sat down and wrote so much last night -- 6.5 pages to be exact. suddently, i'm not so convinced that david is trying to screw me over. somthing abut the way we were with each other on sunday. i'm also not surprised anymore that he's been thinking aobut the future. i myself have been thinking about return trips to kenya all day long.

it seems like im begining to trust david. heck, i'm even starting to pine for him. to have my moods mussled. starting to miss him.

i think i'd be in love if only i saw him smile at me more often.